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This isn’t food, but this happened today and I’m really angry. I just needed to get it off my chest and, well, this is the loudest platform I have!
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Dear Department Stores Everywhere,
Hi, it’s me, the mom with the almost 12-year-old tween who spent hours in store and online today searching for the perfect daddy daughter dance dress. My daughter is so excited for her final daddy daughter dance and had been looking forward to our shopping trip all week long. She’s in sixth grade now and her dad is still the apple of her eye, her hero, her protector. Even though her friends are creeping in, her computer and phone calling to her after dinner instead of sitting to watch the newest shows with us, she is still enough of a little girl to be excited for this dance. She’s even been planning how to convince her dad to buy a matching tie to whatever dress color she chooses.
My daughter is a beautiful girl, inside and out. She loves to dance and does it like no one is watching. She takes three dance classes each week and when she’s not in class she’s playing music and making up her own choreography. She’s active and fun and a budding young woman, one that I am so proud of. She’s also not rail thin, nor will she ever be. She comes from a long line of beautiful and curvy women and while her body and mind is still that of a young girl, she’s starting to show signs of the woman she will become.
Unfortunately, to my dismay, she couldn’t find anything she liked at Justice. While I have dislike for that store for other reasons (mainly that my credit cards cannot handle the cost), I like that they have sizes up to 20, and half sizes in between. Nothing is labeled “plus” or “XXL” so my daughter can usually find stylish clothes she likes that fit and not think twice about her size. Because Justice didn’t have anything she liked, we had to move onto department stores.
And that’s when I got so very, very angry. And hurt. And sad…and then angry all over again.
Macy’s, Nordstrom’s, Sears, JC Penny, and Kohls stop their “big girls” sizes at 16. After 16, if you can even find them in the store, they’re called “plus sizes” and range from 18-plus to 20-plus. At Macy’s we couldn’t find anything bigger than a 16 on the regular racks.
In case you were wondering, “big boys” clothing goes up to size 20. Let that sink in for a second.
After nothing could be found in the girls section, we tried Juniors. Now, to remind you, my daughter is 11 (almost 12) and in the 6th grade. Junior clothing has change a whole lot since I was a kid, according to the dress selection at Macy’s. Next year my daughter will get to dress up for boy-girl dances wearing dresses with cutouts and that need special underwear that won’t show.
I then went online to find dresses that will fit her, in the “plus section” of the websites.
JC Penny, Kohls, and Sears had a good selection of “18 Plus” dresses. Yes, that’s what the size is; not 18 but “18 Plus”.
If you’re over size 16 at Macy’s you’re out of luck unless you want jeans or a school uniform.
And if you love shopping at Nordstrom, forget it unless you’re looking for a flower girl gown.
At the end of the day, after spending hours in store and online, I spent over $200 on dresses (in case the one she liked doesn’t fit right) and expedited shipping costs, and I was angry. Oh, so very angry. And sad.
When I was Jordan’s age I was in her same predicament. I wasn’t rail thin like my friends. I had a little extra fluff but wasn’t a big girl, yet I couldn’t shop in the regular section of the store. Instead, I had to find the section with the big “PLUS SIZE” sign over it, the one that was in the corner of the department store with the plate glass windows, overlooking the busy street.
29 years later, in this age of empowering girls, I am shocked and saddened that nothing has changed. Girls are still being told, as young as 10, that there is something different about not fitting into size 7-16. Girls at age 12 are still growing. Their bodies are changing and here we are, in 2017, still telling them that they’re fat if they’re not the status quo. That being bigger than a size 16 before you’re ready to move onto juniors clothing is bad. That it’s okay for boys to be a size 18 or 20, but not girls.
Shame on the department stores, the fashion industry, the magazines, and everyone who has allowed this behavior to continue. My daughter is beautiful, my daughter is strong, and I’m going to do everything in my power to make her know it. Shame on you for not helping me do it.
Sincerely,
Moms of daughters, everywhere
Me and my girl
Last Updated on August 18, 2022
While reading this I realized how lucky we were in France to have a clothing industry that has not yet started to make young people feel too big. Here, the sizes are given regarding age, so when you are 14 yo and you wear 16, it just means that you started to grow up a little earlier than the average, no that you are big or anything else. I gess it has a lot of impact on the kids, since it gives much more confidence to young boys or girls to tell them that they are in advance rather than to tell them they are big!
Thanks for reading!
I seemed to make the transition myself fairly easily, but I was a tomboy so was mostly wearing jeans and t-shirts. My daughter was slender enough, but tall. It was difficult to a point, but mostly we were just careful with what we bought. I never had to buy her a dress for a dance, and we didn’t shop at Macy’s or Sears or any of the more popular stores.
That said, I understand what you are saying and I fully agree! Sizing needs to be updated, desperately. And it needs to be consistent! Clothing is already expensive, and when you put qualifiers on them such as “plus size”, it only serves to milk our wallets more. In a time where we have to watch that what we are allowing our daughters to wear isn’t age inappropriate, or pushes the boundaries of morality, we don’t need to be worrying about a stupid tag on a skirt or a dress creating body issues. And judging by your photo, your daughter looks beautiful and healthy and not at all in the “plus” range.
Thanks for reading!
Consistent would be awesome! My husband doesn’t understand why I have to try on EVERY pair of jeans when they are “supposed” to be the same size from the same company.
Yep, I remember the experience extremely well as a kid and know it (among other things) still affects the way I view my body today. I’ll never forget finally getting a pair of jeans from the womens section when I was in middle school because there were no other options. They were super long, but they fit around the waist. Makes you feel so terrible. Sadly, I only think sizes have gotten even smaller, especially for juniors. I’m surprised to hear Jordan had that issue because in no way does she look “plus sized” or even close to it. It’s not just the department stores, but the designers that make the clothing sizes. I’m so glad Jordan has you for a mom, rallying behind her and supporting her. Nothing could be more important for her. I hope she finds the perfect dress, that Mel gets the matching tie and that they have a fabulous time at the dance!
So frustrating! Thanks for reading!
YES! I have a short, busty, curvy daughter and cannot find much to fit her at ALL. She does not like revealing clothes, so that shoots about half the inventory.
Me. Just sitting here. Nodding in agreement the whole time I’m reading this post. All too familiar…
It does suck buying plus size clothes but maybe instead of bitching about it on the internet you could figure out what you can do to help your child make better life choices with diet and exercise.
My child is NOT plus sized. She does not need to diet and lose weight; the problem is that the manufacturers, designers, stores, and fashion industry has decided that if you’re bigger than a size 16 as a girl you’re fat. My daughter has a long and solid torso and is becoming a woman, yet is being told by the industry that she’s “plus” when she’s growing into herself. Boys sizing goes up to a 20, why can’t girls? And why, when they go to the juniors section, do clothes sizes run backwards, so that a size 1 can fit a 5 year old (I’m being serious)? And in juniors, where she’s now supposed to shop, I guess, everything is low cut and revealing and short. She’s 12 and wants to look like a 12 year old. In the future there is a “scroll” button, in case you didn’t know. Don’t agree? Move on.
Isn’t this whole post about how you don’t agree and don’t want to move on?
I’m not quite sure of your point?
The clothes out there for pre-teen and teen girls are ridiculous. My 16-year-old is pretty large chested and had a horrible time finding a bathing suit that looked good and that she felt comfortable in (and that her dad and I would actually let her wear). We ended up buying her swim team bathing suits at a sporting goods store. Not quite what she was looking for, but at least they keep her covered. She actually wrote a blog entry about this because it bothered her. If you’re interested in her perspective, her blog is at punfiltered.wordpress.com. I’ll leave the link here.
https://punfiltered.wordpress.com/2015/07/11/the-unsung-inequality-of-teen-girls-bathing-suits-2/
Thank you for writing this Dorothy. Jordan is beautiful and, from what you’ve shared with me about her, so full of life, just like her mom. I don’t have a daughter yet, but I hope that if I do, I can be as proud and strong of a mom as you. I know that Jordan is going to look stunning at her dance, and I hope she has a wonderful time!
GRRRR!! SO not okay! Putting people in boxes will never work- we weren’t created that way! We were made in our own, unique, equally beautiful forms and saying (or insinuating!) something different is degrading and just plain untrue! Please tell Jordan (from another girl) that she is stunning inside and out and don’t let anyone ever tell her otherwise! ???
Try Lane Bryant next time (www.lanebryant.com). They specialize in sizes 14-28 and do not have sizes like XXL or label it 18 plus. It’s my favorite store to shop for clothes because they have great sales and beautiful stuff each season.
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