This post may contain affiliate links. For more information, read my disclosure policy.
This isn’t food, but this happened today and I’m really angry. I just needed to get it off my chest and, well, this is the loudest platform I have!
*****
Dear Department Stores Everywhere,
Hi, it’s me, the mom with the almost 12-year-old tween who spent hours in store and online today searching for the perfect daddy daughter dance dress. My daughter is so excited for her final daddy daughter dance and had been looking forward to our shopping trip all week long. She’s in sixth grade now and her dad is still the apple of her eye, her hero, her protector. Even though her friends are creeping in, her computer and phone calling to her after dinner instead of sitting to watch the newest shows with us, she is still enough of a little girl to be excited for this dance. She’s even been planning how to convince her dad to buy a matching tie to whatever dress color she chooses.
My daughter is a beautiful girl, inside and out. She loves to dance and does it like no one is watching. She takes three dance classes each week and when she’s not in class she’s playing music and making up her own choreography. She’s active and fun and a budding young woman, one that I am so proud of. She’s also not rail thin, nor will she ever be. She comes from a long line of beautiful and curvy women and while her body and mind is still that of a young girl, she’s starting to show signs of the woman she will become.
Unfortunately, to my dismay, she couldn’t find anything she liked at Justice. While I have dislike for that store for other reasons (mainly that my credit cards cannot handle the cost), I like that they have sizes up to 20, and half sizes in between. Nothing is labeled “plus” or “XXL” so my daughter can usually find stylish clothes she likes that fit and not think twice about her size. Because Justice didn’t have anything she liked, we had to move onto department stores.
And that’s when I got so very, very angry. And hurt. And sad…and then angry all over again.
Macy’s, Nordstrom’s, Sears, JC Penny, and Kohls stop their “big girls” sizes at 16. After 16, if you can even find them in the store, they’re called “plus sizes” and range from 18-plus to 20-plus. At Macy’s we couldn’t find anything bigger than a 16 on the regular racks.
In case you were wondering, “big boys” clothing goes up to size 20. Let that sink in for a second.
After nothing could be found in the girls section, we tried Juniors. Now, to remind you, my daughter is 11 (almost 12) and in the 6th grade. Junior clothing has change a whole lot since I was a kid, according to the dress selection at Macy’s. Next year my daughter will get to dress up for boy-girl dances wearing dresses with cutouts and that need special underwear that won’t show.
I then went online to find dresses that will fit her, in the “plus section” of the websites.
JC Penny, Kohls, and Sears had a good selection of “18 Plus” dresses. Yes, that’s what the size is; not 18 but “18 Plus”.
If you’re over size 16 at Macy’s you’re out of luck unless you want jeans or a school uniform.
And if you love shopping at Nordstrom, forget it unless you’re looking for a flower girl gown.
At the end of the day, after spending hours in store and online, I spent over $200 on dresses (in case the one she liked doesn’t fit right) and expedited shipping costs, and I was angry. Oh, so very angry. And sad.
When I was Jordan’s age I was in her same predicament. I wasn’t rail thin like my friends. I had a little extra fluff but wasn’t a big girl, yet I couldn’t shop in the regular section of the store. Instead, I had to find the section with the big “PLUS SIZE” sign over it, the one that was in the corner of the department store with the plate glass windows, overlooking the busy street.
29 years later, in this age of empowering girls, I am shocked and saddened that nothing has changed. Girls are still being told, as young as 10, that there is something different about not fitting into size 7-16. Girls at age 12 are still growing. Their bodies are changing and here we are, in 2017, still telling them that they’re fat if they’re not the status quo. That being bigger than a size 16 before you’re ready to move onto juniors clothing is bad. That it’s okay for boys to be a size 18 or 20, but not girls.
Shame on the department stores, the fashion industry, the magazines, and everyone who has allowed this behavior to continue. My daughter is beautiful, my daughter is strong, and I’m going to do everything in my power to make her know it. Shame on you for not helping me do it.
Sincerely,
Moms of daughters, everywhere
Me and my girl
Last Updated on August 18, 2022
This problem has been around since I was growing up in the 50’s and 60’s. I had it too. Even a friend whose daughter is tiny has a difficult time finding clothes that are not too short or low-cut. Mothers of boys have clothes issues too. My son was 5’8″ at the end of 6th grade and 6’2″ in 8th grade. I spent all m time (and money) shopping.
This problem has been around since I was growing up in the 50’s and 60’s. I had it too. Even a friend whose daughter is tiny has a difficult time finding clothes that are not too short or low-cut. Mothers of boys have clothes issues too. My son was 5’8″ at the end of 6th grade and 6’2″ in 8th grade. I spent all m time (and money) shopping.
Maybe you should have made the dress. Do it together as a mother -daughter project. You could have made it extra special by not letting her daddy see it until the dance. I know not all woman know how to sew any more as this art is gone in most cases. But you do have the knowledge of the internet and as a team I sure most could make it work. If she still has grandparents maybe one of them could help. Screw the box stores.
You go, girl! And I’m with Melissa – lets start a petition!!! My daughter had big boobs by 12 (on a 5′ frame) and has such a hard time finding clothes that are fashionable but not “woo-woo – look at ME!” I work in a department store, so I see all the juniors clothes coming in, and everything is “Super skinny” or just so flimsy and skimpy that the only girls who could look decent in them are rail thin and not going through puberty yet. Curvy girls are out of luck,
Amen to you for writing this article. My 9 yr old is a size 14 and NOTHING fits right! And oh yes, she notices the sizes and compares herself with her friends. My heart breaks for all girls out there that are bombarded with unreasonable expectations of beautiful. : (
While a “store bought” dress is nice, Sewing a dress for the occasion is better. You can pick out the material and are able to adjust the pattern to have the type of look that is appropriate for the age – AND guess what?? No one else will have the same dress. My mom made a lot of my clothes from the time I was young & skinny and up to when I couldn’t find anything that fit as I “blossomed”. She was a talented seamstress and I got to design the dresses to what I wanted.
I’m so sorry you had this experience. Retailers need to be aware of their sizing and terminology. But I’m sad that you included the line “My daughter is not overweight. She is not heavy. She is beautiful…” What I heard reading that (and I could be wrong) is that you cannot be both. If you want your daughter to feel beautiful and strong and in no way shamed for her size, don’t the “heavy” girls deserve the same?
That is totally not how it was meant at all! I’ll change up the wording.
I appreciate that so much!! And I hope it didn’t sound like I was attacking – tone is so hard to convey online! – because that certainly wasn’t my intention. Thanks again!
Yes to ALL of this. Ellia and I are entering into the same exact stage and I dread those shopping experiences and inevitably heartbreaking conversations. Jordan is so lucky to have a mom like you….time for the moms of tweets everywhere to band together ❤️
I am so sorry that you and Jordan had to deal with this. This reminds me all too much of my childood. I remember being 12 and needing a nice outfit some school event and due to sizing, my mother helped me schlop together an ill fitting outfit from the women’s department. I was disappointed and uncomfortable. I also remember my first homecoming dance in high school and the dress that I loved didn’t come in my size. Bless my mother, we bought the biggest size and she took me to have it altered and made bigger (which was entirely embarrassing) just so I could wear the dress. I feel for you and Jordan so deeply in my heart. Something definitely has to be done.
ugh ugh UGH! That is seriously so ridiculous. I’m so glad you wrote this, and I seriously hope some changes happen by the time I have kiddos old enough, and I’m so sorry for you and Jordan that you had to go through this. It shouldn’t have been so hard. Jordan is not large by ANY means. It’s ridiculous. (Also-don’t even get me started on how ridiculous Juniors clothes are now, I still sometimes shop Juniors but I’ve been forced to stop because all of a sudden everything is SO short, and/or cropped, or sheer, or with no backs or cut outs and girl I NEED A BRA. I hate it and it’s ridiculous that teenagers have practically only these options for clothes now…like…what?!)
Featured In